Quandary! September 17, 2010

Miss Manners

  

I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging but I have compared my social skills with a new acquaintance.  It would seem that this guy is not even going to qualify to race with me and here I thought I wouldn’t even see the podium.  In the interest of fairness, I should let you judge.  My comparing skills might be off, right?  Granted this person is male and may not know all the ins and outs of talking with the ladies.  Maybe that’s it.  Below I’ve listed a bunch of scenarios with both the behavior that I exhibited and that of my new “friend”.  All information shared below is correct to my knowledge and hasn’t been edited for entertainment value (mostly because it didn’t need it).  Here we go!  

A female friend has a birthday and you join her for lunch.  You ask her how old she is and when she tells you it’s 31, you reply without irony:  

1. “Happy birthday!  Order what you want, birthday girl.”  Congratulate yourself on being a burger enabler.
2. “I thought you were older than that.”  Congratulate yourself on being close to her real age while still going over.

    

The same friend tells a story about a wedding she attended where the guests all received tea cups that the couple had bought at garage sales.   Each guest received a unique tea cup at their seat.  My friend brought in the three she had from the reception to share, you comment:  

1. By saying nothing and turning the tea cups over to see what company made them.  You are unimpressed but no one can tell, probably.
2. “That’s a really fun idea.  They’re pretty!”  Walk back to your desk and marvel that people still get married.

   

Two friends allow you to sit in during a phone call for a project they are working on.  They’ll want you to start helping with this kind of thing at some point so they thought it would be helpful for you to hear how it’s being handled now.  To show your appreciation you:  

1. Listen and take notes to review later.  They’ve been doing this longer than you and though you know you’ll be good at there is still plenty for you to learn.  You’ll probably never see these notes again but you looked good and productive.
2. Listen and take notes to review later.  They’ve been doing this longer than you and you have lots of feedback for ways that they can improve.  When the phone call is finished, make sure to share your notes in detail.

   

You join some female friends at a restaurant when the talk turns to a woman who isn’t present.  The clothes she wears to work are sometimes low cut and distracting.  You think she looks great.  You say:  

1. “You all dress too conservatively where you work.  Where I work there’s always cleavage.  I like it.  You should have more cleavage here.”  You do like cleavage.  You’d like to see it now.  Where is the cleavage?
2. “She’s hot,  too.  I find it distracting and I’m not even a dude.  I can’t imagine what it’s like working around that when someone puts them on a tray.”  Make sure that your own boobs are not popping out of your shirt at the moment.  They are not.  (probably gave that one away if you know that I’m not a dude, huh?) 

   

The conversation stays on work for a little longer.  Somehow the topic of locking your computer to protect millions of dollars of information comes up.  You:  

1. Smile smugly.  You are proud in the knowledge that you lock your computer if you so much as stand up to stretch.  It is not unlike your habit of turning on your blinker in a parking lot.  Totally overkill and a joy for all humanity.
2. Smile smugly.  You know that locking your computer is pointless.  You think that the emails that co-workers send from your desk with your signature are pretty funny.  You will buy lunch for the department someday.  They’re just being picky.  The confidentiality agreements you signed when you started your job were just a way of making noisy clients a little less noisy.  You still intend to bill them for everything.  There you just thought of a client right now.  That’s billable.

   

While visiting a Ruby Tuesday you order a seafood dish.  You know you are in the Midwest.  You can even find it on the map being that you are from the Midwest originally.  When the food comes your order isn’t what you expected.  You:  

1. Are slightly disappointed that you received green beans instead of the snap peas you ordered… until you realize that they are snap peas.  You would have eaten them either way without complaint as there are seven of you at the table and the guy has refilled your ice tea three times without you having to say squat.
2. Ask to speak to the manager about your crab cake.  It is not as good as the ones you have at home in Maryland.  You feel you have every right to expect the same quality of seafood from a Ruby Tuesday in a city with “Prairie” in the name.  Make sure that the waiter knows you are from Maryland.  Make sure that the table knows you are from Maryland.  Maryland, Maryland, Maryland.

   

Check your answers!  (So exciting, OMG!)  

Mine: 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 1  

Other guy: 2, 1, 2, 1, 2, 2  

So whaddaya think?  Am I Miss Manners or are you siding with this chucklehead?  (Sorry.  That was kind of taking sides, wasn’t it?)  The world wants to know.

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